We all knew we were leaving Bangkok today. A 14-hour journey to the North of Thailand reared its ugly head before us. Still jet-lagged from the 12-hour flight, I was absolutely dreading it. What kind of a plan was this?
Anyway, before we left the capital, I had to do something about the ever-looming threat of rabies. Caligula and I had risen early and evacuated our bombsite of a hotel room, settling ourselves in a nearby bakery. While Caligula worked on his music, I googled vaccine centres in Bangkok, eventually getting through to one on the phone. A Thai woman answered in a flurry of English; it took me a few seconds just to realise she was speaking my language. I asked her if they had the rabies vaccine. Rapid talking ensued. ‘Rabid… rabid?’ It sounded like she had no idea what I was talking about. But suddenly I was being asked to come in at 3pm. I suggested 1pm. That worked too. How much was it? 890 baht. Around 20 quid. Not bad for a shot of rabies. Caligula was nodding his head to the sound of whatever tune he’s been working on. After thoroughly enjoying his first hazelnut latte yesterday, he now had another one topped high with whipped cream, and he wasn’t abandoning the bakery for a perilous journey through the streets of Bangkok. I was going for the vaccine alone.
I hurried down dusty streets with no sidewalks. Not getting run-over was something of a miracle. I’m still learning how to cross the road in this place, if such a skill is even possible to acquire…
Sitting in the MedConsult Clinic awaiting the rabies vaccine, I couldn’t help thinking about what Tiberius said about travel clinics in south-east Asia. ‘Apparently they don’t sterilize their needles properly…’ Surely, it’s not true. It can’t be true… can it?
I got the first jab of the rabies vaccine as well as Japanese Encephalitis. A dose in each arm. A heavy queasiness erupted in my stomach and the room began to spin. I muttered something to the nurse and hung my head in my lap. Not again... Not NOW… I was half carried half dragged by two nurses to a nearby bed. Next thing I’m surrounded by at least 5 nurses, half of them holding out cups of water, and one of whom was offering me an unwrapped snickers bar. ‘Eat chocolate, eat chocolate,’ she said, while the others frantically cried ‘water, water, drink water!’
I tried hard not to faint as my brain eyed the cups of water with panic. All I could think was, I can’t drink the tap water. None of the nurses could understand why the western fool didn’t want to hydrate myself.
‘Water, water, drink!’
One Philippino woman held my hand while vigorously rubbing my chest. It was a bit weird but somehow seemed to help. Then the nurses began arguing with the doctor over whether it was okay to let me go. The doctor took my pulse and shook her head. I wasn’t allowed to leave. Then someone suggested I needed oxygen. I tried to protest but it did no good. A tube was wrapped around my nose and next thing I’ve got oxygen blowing up my nostrils. At this point I accepted that I’m a complete mess and let the nurses fuss over me. However embarrassing or inconvenient it was, I’d acquired the first shot of rabies, as well as Japanese Enctaphilitis, so now there’s a good chance I won’t go rabid or become a brain-dead vegetable in the next 6 months.
After one of the nurses explained to me that ‘we’re Thai, we don’t drink the tap water,’ and I realised what a silly fool I’d been, I paid the 2500 baht I owed for the vaccines and departed the clinic.
I met the Romans at a café near our hotel. They’d been doing absolutely nothing. Hiding away from the city with a stash of supermarket snacks. But things quickly got tense when Caligula attempted a coup. He started rolling back the plan. To hell with the North of Thailand, we would go south to the islands instead. Caesar quickly hopped on board. To hell with the train tickets and the hostel we’d booked, why shouldn’t we visit the beautiful beaches of Koh Phi Phi instead of another land-locked city?
The idea of chilling out on Ko Phi Phi was indeed much more enticing than a 14-hour train to Chiang Mai. But there was no simple answer for how to get from Bangkok to the islands. Caligula’s rogue plan still involved some long-ass overnight transport, not to mention the amount of money we’d be throwing away on a whim. After a brief if tense exchange, Tiberius and I vetoed the plan and Caligula’s coup was dead in the water. The solemn acceptance of our overnight slog of a train journey sunk in.
Before we braved the sleeper train however, there was one last thing we needed to do before we fled Bangkok.
‘Let’s get a lager beer,’ said Caligula.
Out of our hiding place and back on the streets of Bangkok, we quickly plonked ourselves outside an Indian restaurant and Caligula called for round after round of Changs. We were soon too hungry and tipsy to move. The beer coaxed me into a false sense of satisfaction. I ordered some naan bread and fell asleep, awaking just as it was time to head to the station.
‘It’s the gulag in here,’ Caligula said, as we boarded the carriage. It didn’t seem so bad. If anything, it reminded me of the night bus from Harry Potter. I sat on my bed and watched the shadowy countryside as the train pulled away. It was going far too slow. 14 hours? I sincerely hoped I would get some sleep.
